"We judge ourselves by our intentions, but others by their actions"

This is one of the most fundamental asymmetries in human psychology. When you make a mistake, you think "I didn't mean to." When someone else makes the same mistake, you think "How could they do that?"

How you see yourself:

• "I forgot to call because I was stressed"
• "I snapped because I had a bad day"
• "I didn't mean to hurt anyone"
• "My intentions were good"

How you see others:

• "They forgot to call—they don't care"
• "They snapped at me—they're mean"
• "They hurt me—that's who they are"
• "Actions speak louder than words"

You have direct access to your own thoughts, feelings, and intentions. You know the full context of your mental state. But with others, all you can observe is their behavior. You can't see their internal struggle, their reasoning, or their regrets.

Psychologists call this the "fundamental attribution error":

• When I mess up: It's because of circumstances
• When you mess up: It's because of your character

This reveals something profound about empathy and judgment:

We give ourselves the benefit of context but deny it to others. We're protagonists in our own story with complex motivations, but we reduce others to simple characters defined by their actions.

True wisdom comes from applying the same lens to others that we apply to ourselves:

• Assume good intentions
• Consider their circumstances
• Remember they're fighting battles you can't see
• Judge the action, not the person

Ironically, improving yourself requires doing the opposite: judge your actions harshly, not just your intentions. "I meant well" is often an excuse for "I didn't try hard enough."

The path to being better:

• Judge yourself by your actions
• Judge others by their intentions

This is the reverse of our natural tendency—and exactly why it's so difficult.